Freaking euphemisms!

John Leo has a very clever piece on hypereupemismism.

What is it with us that we can't "call a spade a bloody shovel," as our mother used to phrase it when she wished to hear unvarnished opinions.

We once had the pleasure of hearing Edward Teller speak at an Accuracy in Media dinner years ago. He remarked that, "I was never the kind of man who thinks that he should begin each sentence with the word 'Perhaps.'"

Faithful to that sentiment, we try to eliminate the weasel words from our writing, the all-time chief weasel circumlocution being, "I feel that," as though our conclusions are less fully formed for being mere "feelings" and thus immediately changeable or retractable at will if challenged.

But this mania for deliberately trying to flabbify bad news is beyond us.

Is the reigning psychological imperative to shy away from all manner of unpleasant news? Are Americans and Britishers in mental warp drive to avoid the unpleasant realities of life?

Is this why we have a hard time getting energized about the threat of Islam and massive unchecked illegal immigration?

Insidious, relentless jihad? Why, no, just "the heartfelt desire of oppressed people for sensible boundary revisitation."

Dhimmitude? Nope, just "status readjustment."

Kafir? Infidel? Hmmm . . . "not Muslim."

Religion of death? No! "Alternative religious experience."

Apostasy? Why, you must mean, "planned early terrestrial departure decision."

Terror? Simply, "symbolic persuasion!"

Illegal alien? "Undocumented worker." Oops. Already taken.

Ok, pretty lame, but we've grasped the concept. Maybe we can use it to our advantage . . . .

Let's see . . .

Roll back Islamic scourge to pre-Prophet parameters? "Super Haj 2010."

Retaliation for numberless Islamic acts of terror? How about . . . "Long-overdue payback!" [Subtle!]

Grind Hezbollah into the ground? Hmmm. Ah! "Organic Lebanese farm land value enhancement measure."

Vaporization of Iranian Revolutionary Guards? Say . . . "Belated Ayatollah Khomeini memorial gesture."

We could go far.

"Awash in euphemisms." By John Leo, Townhall.com, 2/27/06.