Fix bayonets! Find cheeky blighters!

The author of our source reports on the discovery of "extreme racist and paramilitary views" on a website "linked to" the City of Edinburgh Universities Officer Training Corps.

One example of a racist statement cited is this:

One [cadet] is said to have written that he is tired of "Abdul foreigner" coming to the university seeking changes in tradition and another suggests that overseas students should live as locals do or return to their own countries. Shocked [oh, sure] UOTC leaders and the Ministry of Defence (MoD) have now launched investigations to find out who is responsible [and gone home at lunch to get clean hankies].

Edinburgh UOTC Adjutant Major Derek Lawson has insisted that "these attitudes will not be tolerated". [Grrr rrrr woof.]

An MoD spokeswoman said anyone sharing such inflammatory views would be weeded out . . . .

So let's parse these statements that evidence racist views, and not just ordinary racist views, mind you, but extreme racist views.

"Abdul foreigner" -- This phrase is on the order of "Freddy foreigner" or "Francois foreigner" or "Fritz foreigner." Abdul, Freddy, etc., are all Christian names regularly in use, none denoting or connoting putrescence, depravity, or a treasonous nature.

Since the writer chose "Abdul" it's clear he drew a connection between "foreigner" and "Middle East" or "Arab" or, possibly, "Islam." This connection can be studied, with definitive resolution to await determination of how many foreigners in Edinburgh or Scotland are in fact in one or more of these loose categories of humans. As all of the European Union and the U.K. are awash in people from these populations or areas, it's almost certain that there are large numbers of foreigners of these kinds visible to the cadet.

That the cadet might have lumped native born people whose parents emigrated to the U.K. with foreigners with no or limited rights to reside in Scotland is certainly unobjectionable as the English have had plenty of experience with even native-born Anglo-Saxons who were panting to betray their country to savage enemies during Cold War times.

For officials to draw the line at legal residents or citizens v. visa-holding foreigners is specious. Mohammad Sidique Khan, London subway killer on his personal little jihad (". . . I am directly responsible for protecting and avenging my Muslim brothers and sisters."), was born in Leeds but felt nothing but contempt for England ("Our religion is Islam, obedience to the one true God Allah . . . ."). Thus, it would be quite accurate to refer to Mr. Khan as a foreigner.

Moreover, it's certainly the question of the day whether other resident Muslim populations in Western countries are willing to integrate themselves fully into and swear political allegiance to countries that does not intend to implement sharia.

Mention to the Colonel Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Mexican, Peruvian, Haitian, Barbadian, or Botswanan immigrants to the U.S. and he will not consider for an instant that these people are not eager to become citizens. Only the minuscule proportion of lunatics and malcontents of those groups would have the equivalent Muslim intention of standing the U.S. A. on its head and turning it from a nation that is dedicated to the rule of law based on common law and civil law precepts into one ruled by the sharia, founded as it is on embarrassment that is the Koran and its incomprehensible or disjointed gloss.

The cadets' resentment at foreigners (or anyone) coming to attend a major institution of higher learning and demanding changes to well-settled traditions is hardly reprehensible or even objectionable. Surely we have escaped the execrable gravitational pull of the 60s where any tradition, any institution, any rational requirement other than the requirement to have fun could be called into question by any featherhead with a guitar and the lyrics to "Blowin' in the Wind."

New Friday lunch item, Edinburgh University student cafeteria. Per order UKMoD.

Being unwilling to live as locals do may be something that the cadet criticizes unfairly though let us not precipitously conclude that "Abdul" merely wishes to wear his keffiyah to class or have his wife dress in the sartorial equivalent to a collapsed man o' war mainsail. (The Colonel hissef would positively refuse to eat haggis, whether boiled, fried, fricasseed, or soaked in chili sauce. Local custom be damned, Sah!)

It could be, as further fair, fearless, fact ferreting might disclose, that this disinclination to fit in with local mores more resembles something more disgusting like. say, the practice of Cubans in Miami devoted to the, uh, religion of Santeria, who sacrifice chickens (leaving mortal remains to rot) outside courthouses to ensure victory in legal battles or Southeast Asians who barbecue goats in bathtubs (in rented quarters).

So we trust that this escalating search for the authors of these eminently sane, fairminded, and defensible thoughts will stop short of the British Ministry of Defence's figuratively groveling at the boots of people who should be grateful to High Heaven for the privilege of walking Edinburgh streets instead of, as we strongly suspect, throwing their weight around.

If it turns out that the foreigner population of Edinburgh is primarily Ukrainian, the miscreant cadets should be forced to crawl from mosque to rifle range to bomb factory to Koran memorization session and do penance.

Unsolicited Yank advice to MoD force planners: This little exercise is a great way to ensure that your officer corps will be built upon individuals who are terrified of speaking their minds. Your cadets are now learning from you that should one wander off into the "England's culture is quite nice but hardly better than any other culture" minefield his or her career is over.

More unsolicited Yank advice to MoD force planners: The Real Problem here is that an official site was used to express personal views. Discipline the lads, say by forcing them to read 50 pages of the Koran, and leave it at that. Now you'll recruit robust thinkers and risk takers who will exercise initiative and bring (yet more) honor and fame to the British armed forces and who know they'll be horribly punished if they use MoD resources to troll for tarts or publish their personal views. While you're at it, assign Major Lawson, 100 pages in the Koran for failing to monitor his web site. No. Wait. That's too horrible.

Yet more unsolicited Yank advice to MoD force planners: Lose the witch hunt. No one needs to be weeded out . . . except maybe the officer who told the MoD spokeswoman to announce that miscreant cadets will be weeded out.

Memo to Ms. McGlynn: Now write a followup story about whether or not there is any basis for the cadets' opinions.

"Racist and paramilitary views found on students' cadet site." By Fiona McGlynn, Scotsman.com, 9/21/05.