Candy cane boats on lemonade seas.

The Colonel has already remarked upon the lunatic Pol Pot and his desire to institute "perfect" democracy in Cambodia. (See also the inspired, related analysis by Samuel Johnson of people with too much time on their hands who drift off in candy cane boats on lemonade seas here.)

We all know what stark horrors resulted from that pipe dream -- the dream of human perfection; of the picnic without flies; of a world without Michael Moore, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson; or of "peace activists" forced to paint rocks on military installations.

As an example of someone truly certifiable -- with a finger soon to be on the nuclear trigger if not stopped -- we have the current Iranian President who signed an actual agreement with the yet-to-reappear-long-unglimpsed-on-earth 12th Imam of Shia Islam and tossed it down a well. That will presumbably be the first place for the Imam to look for this paper upon his return. This is much like signing a contract with Jesus Christ now and having it sent to, oh, Jiffy Lube in Cleveland as the place he's likely to return to Earth to pick it up:

During a meeting with regional governors following his election, [Iranian President] Ahmadinejad excoriated the officials for their terrestrial concerns -- crops, roads, and crime [borrrring!] -- and urged them to concentrate their energies on constructing the perfect Islamic state. In November, before a gathering of the nation's leading clerics, Ahmadinejad reiterated his role in the return of the Mahdi: "Our revolution's main mission is to pave the way for the reappearance of the 12th Imam."

It may surprise you that a way to pave the way for this reappearance is to create . . . wait for it . . . chaos.

WKYN.

UPDATE (1/18/06): The source below does question the authenticity of the story about the contract. The Telegraph indicates that the story is a rumor that is widely believed in Iran but denied by the government.

"True Fanatic." By Patrick Devenny, The American Spectator, 12/15/2005 (emphasis added).

UPDATE 2/8/06: The "working-class faithful are convinced the new president and his Cabinet signed a "compact" pledging themselves to precipitate the return of the Mahdi -- and dropped it down Jamkaran's well with the Mahdi's zip code." We state above that Ahmadenijad had in fact thrown the contract down the well.

"Later than we think." By Arnaud de Borchgrave, Washington Times, 2/6/06 (emphasis added).