Greetings, everyone. Settle down there in front. My name is Brett Stevens and I’m running for president. I don’t stand a chance of winning, but neither does anyone else in a democracy. No one laughing… oh wait, there’s a few. No, don’t throw tomatoes. Anyhoo, I wanted to introduce my campaign.I love this gent.
I’m not running on the right or the left, although my approach is conservative, because my politics are from before the time when we split into right and left and murdered innocent people in the name of ideology. My political ideology is really simple, actually. Here it is:
I believe that every idea needs to be measured in terms of its results.
Soo…. that doesn’t sound controversial, but it is. This means that what you think of the idea is not important. All that matters is whether it works, and if you decide that you like it even though it fails and you can rationalize that, you don’t get to have it. Results only, and by that I mean effects in reality from now until the end of time. No dodging responsibility here.
* * * *
And of course that’s not going to win. (Laughter). If I wanted to win, I’d be part of the Free Donuts and Beer Party and everyone would love me.
Sadly, the Free Donuts and Beer Party can never be defeated. The 16th Amendment handed 40 zillion dollars to politicians in perpetuity with which to buy votes so that was the end of The Great Experiment.
Personally, I prefer calling the FDB Party The Lowest Common Denominator Party (examples here and here), but I'm just quibbling. By whatever name, it's a magnet for patriots.
 "Stevens4Prez 2016: How I’d save the middle class." By Brett Stevens, Amerika, 12/5/15.
 The 16th also repealed the 13th Amendment but this is little understood.